Why must we do this to ourselves? Choosing to suffer alone like this?
Why do we always feel like a burden, always unable to ask for help?
Strong enough to recognize most of our flaws yet too weak to reach out for the obvious solution?.
*sigh* Right… our so-called problems are nowhere near what the other people in our life must endure. Are we truly such a selfish creature?
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We need to stop overthinking thinking things and regain our focus, the same focus that led us back to school. For the sake of realizing our dream.
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And yet, regardless of that achievement, it has been two years since and all of our pursuits beyond then have been fruitless.
*sigh* That is one of three primary things that has beset our troubled mind.
Another is hiding how distraught we are with our very being & how we have to live a lie when beyond the tranquility of our sanctuary.
And lastly, our seeming inability to connect to other humans. A lot of the time we don’t feel human, we don’t feel alive. Often feeling we have no relation to anyone, not understanding why family and friends like or love us.
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Even now, in this rare occurrence, our consciousness is allowing us; the true self, as well as our halves to manifest concurrently. In this ephemeral moment, we can now witness the interaction between the subjective split between the hopeful and hopeless.
Naturally, no knowledge can’t be gleaned as we are all one in the same. However, the fluctuating levels of polarization are quite unsettling to see in real-time yet to be expected.
Oh.
Honestly, must you always fill our consciousness with this negativity? Sure we’re a late-bloomer regarding our goals and aspirations but all that’s important is that we have or will achieve them.
Please, look at our previous track record. We do the bare minimum, lose focus, and can’t regain any sense of momentum. It’s so tiring and frustrating.
Well, who is to blame for that? We’re doing our best to take responsibility and grow. We’ve learned from our previous mistakes but this is one that we struggle to overcome. I know we can because we did it when we return to school and succeeded. We kept our promise to ourselves not to let our negative mindset get in the way. Now let’s do it again.
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Are we gonna be irrational and deny the truth yet again?
Didn’t say anything, this is just exhausting. No matter how hard you strive, you’re guaranteed nothing in the end but death. That’s life for you. Cold, unfeeling, ruthless.
So what, are we going to remain on the road of self-hatred & isolation again? Or are we gonna add the usual self-harm or rampant ideation about our deadline?
Do you even need an answer? For all your optimism you don’t seem to stop us from doing those things.
It’s because our struggles are one and the same, that so call “optimism” is always dampened by our realist perspective on life. That’s a sacrifice we’re willing to make if it means we can move on and focus on the things we care about instead of always moping around.
We always got an answer for everything, don’t we? This dialogue is pointless as always. We’re just gonna give ourselves another headache.
Just remember, we share those scars but we refuse to blame ourselves more than we have to. Call it whatever you want but giving in won’t be our answer.
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How counterproductive, our hopeful half side remains steadfast in the face of adversity while the hopeless half revels in their defeatism. These ruminations seem to be one of the many roots of our fading stoicism.
This also seems to be one of the many cognitive dissonances that play a part in our withdrawals and half-heartedness. So deeply ingrained, there is no simple and immediate method to alleviate this.
Just want us to be happy, we lost a lot of that since growing up. We are good at setting our expectations just right but we just need to try a bit harder than we usually do.
Wish it was that easy, we’ve lost so much that we barely have any spare to the world around us.
The world.
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We’ll most likely never find that acceptance in this world.
Pretty much, we’re ugly inside and out. Mom and dad burnt their good genes on all of our half-siblings.
Remember this when you claim we’re overly optimistic. We love who we are on the inside, but we hate how we look & feel on the outside. Don’t think we’ll ever have enough resources to fix that.
Yeah, even if we did, the world wouldn’t accept us. We’re kind of a freak. Best to avoid mirrors and other people.
It’s so hard to bear, yet we feel as if we have to bear it alone all the time. Just wish we could fit in somewhere that didn’t feel like we were forcing ourselves.
If we could find our place of acceptance, some of this heaviness would be assuaged.
The world is cruel in that sense and it doesn’t seem to get any better.
It’s what humans do best, what we’d give to see our miserable species wiped from the face of the planet. Only then could mother nature truly recover from her human disease.
Can only agree with how self-destructive our species is but we shouldn’t be so misanthropic as to recognize our achievements.
Achievements… most of which we turn on one another for exploitation.
That’s human nature, it’s not a problem we can solve, so we should focus on fixing ourselves.
Sure, as long as any of those solutions remove us from the equation so we don’t drag you down with us.
We didn’t have a choice in this. We either overcome this together or fail together. No exception.
Just saying. You have what it takes to get things done. Be better if we didn’t exist at all, however.
Give it a rest. Guess being one note is also one of our many traits.
What do you expect when our voice is the only one we hear day in and day out?
One note… The result of being trapped within an echo chamber of our own making, allowing the same thought patterns and ideas to bounce back and forth ad inifinitum. Doesn’t help that it seems our outlook on the world becomes grimmer every year.
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We struggle to handle our own issues alone like with our dysphoria and other emotional issues and even with our best efforts, they just plateau. We feel burdensome when we express ourselves or share our problems. We’ve learned that is better to keep that to ourselves.
Then there’s when we talk to those outside of our friend circle, we have to prepare for the inevitable…
To hear the words we no longer associate with.
But we can’t blame them, they don’t know. And with the world the way it is they can’t know. Making a mountain out of a molehill I guess.
This isolation isn’t healthy and yet in our darkest…
Please…. enough of this, can we just return to the dark, empty abyss from which we came over 30 years ago. After all, oblivion is the great equalizer for all of us.
We won’t let that happen, we can do this if we reflect and adapt to our perceived hardships. Besides, we will return to that place when our time comes naturally. Regardless of how we perceive our place in the world, we must maintain our resolve. We will see our goals through.
Again with all this hope? …Whatever, I give. Just remember what will happen if you don’t follow through. Our little agreement?
I can assure you for our sake, we won’t fail. We will stabilize our waning will as we’ve done in the past.
We’ll see, when the day comes, we’ll be satisfied either way.
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You can only make so many strides before you give in to the constant waves of failure. And in that moment everything will slowly become nothing, fading into none existence. If you’re lucky, it’ll be painless.
If we seek the right help, such a fate can be avoided. We should trust in our abilities but also know when we need to rely on others.
Help, no one helps those who don’t help themselves. Then again, we’re nothing more than a creature always left on the back burner. Never thought of until it’s convenient yet we do the same to other and expect sympathy.
Where did we go so wrong to have that as a part of our persistent mindset?
That’s right, we don’t have to let this be the burden we feel we must bear alone. But…. we refuse to let others fall due to our inadequacies. Then again, they can’t fall if we isolate ourselves from them. We wield the solution to our solvable problems and yet we irrationally hold back. We need to find a way to clear this mental fog.
Isolation, detachment, dysphoria. What has led us to have such disdain for ourselves? We always describe ourselves with negative terms like boring, overbearing, useful tool, unwanted, and worthlessness. So much so that they’ve been backed into a corner so thoroughly due to this. Even their most grounded advice isn’t getting through and at worst, comes off as generic and dismissive. We need to train ourselves to focus more on the positives to shift this balance.
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We certainly have redeeming qualities but to say we’re modest about them would be an understatement. We downplay them too much. We’re like ouroboros, for any positive sensations we experience must be accompanied by a negative one.
Overthinking things yet again.
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Say, when we unify, do you think our true self has a perfect balance of our outlooks?
Doubt it, bet they would act and think exactly like how we talk but with less conviction overall. No human is perfectly balanced in any way.
Yeah, seems you worry about the wrong things as we haven’t been forced into a position to unify.
That’s not the case, there will come a day when we must live as the true self permanently. And in doing so, we mere halves should cease to be.
So the lack of that desire is to enjoy that fleeting time, right?
Our true self knows that this is true if we can pull through.
Yep, “if” is right. Gotta live long enough for that to happen.
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That is indeed the truth. As unlikely as it seems, one day we hope to have an accepting family which will require our full devotion. But there is always that feeling we will die alone as we desire. Both are options that are ever-present in our minds.
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To live and find happiness.
Live on, there are those who care for you.
To die and find peace.
Which will come first?
Just die already, you won’t be missed.